My Daughter's Story of Abuse on Front PG of Chicago Tribune

[cherry6905]

My daughter's story of spousal rape and abuse is on the front page of the Chicago Tribune today!

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/l...0,389866.story

[LisaM22]

she needs to be firm that it is over and stop thinking she will get sole custody as that will not happen, if that is her goal, she will just make this man more angry and make him feel justified in his actions, sadly he is the father of her children and the only way to end this connection would be to give him the children - cause as long as she has the children, she is tied to their father - she will have to try to get along and if he violates, she will just have to keep putting him behind bars, I pray this turns out ok, but this has already turned ugly and unless both of them are willing to meet half way and he is willing to let her move on with a new life this could end ugly - if he turns suicidal, there is nothing the courts can do to protect her

jmho

[juliekan]

I am so sorry...

And angry when I saw where he said there are two sides to the story...

The only side of the story that matters is that he tries to kill her...


JMO

[LisaM22]

Originally Posted by grammybear

I agree that this woman needs to stand strong. But I do not agree that it is her fault for making him angry. He has done that all on his own If he reacts a certain way when she does something he does not agree with that is his problem and he has no right to be taking it out on her. We all make our own choices and we have to live with it. Apparently this man has ignored tro's and there is no one at fault for that except him. Why is it that she should always have his arrested? From what I see of these cases the justice system sure does not do all they can to protect the victims. I would not want to be looking over my shoulder my whole life, that is not living to me. If he becomes suicidal that is fine as long as he doesn't try to take others with him. But before it gets to that point something needs to be done to protect this woman and her children.

jmoo

I agree with you, but that doesn't mean there are things she should not do to push her luck with a person like this, she can't get full custody, it just wont happen unless he abuses his children, so spending so much money trying to make that happen will not help matters any as it wont ever happen - just make her broker and him madder (she has already spent over 10k on her divorce) - the children have never been abused during all of this, so the courts do not consider him a threat to them, only her and there is where the issue is - until the children are 18, she wont be able to sever ties with him, he will pay child support and receive visitation, she will have to make the best of it - I hope it turns out ok, most times it does, sometimes not - but only time will tell sadly, the courts can't assume the worst - jmho

[ellvarn]

May God Bless your daughter, and help guide her through this. May the Lord hold the children in his hands for comfort. And may God give you strength Cherry.

[LisaM22]

from the article sounds like he is gonna get about 6 years for sending the text msgs to her, hopefully he doesn't just stew in prison over that, hopefully he grows out of love with her and decides to move on - of course when he gets out, child support comes after him and that may start is all over again as he wont be able to sever the ties with her until the children are 18 either - I think there should be a way for her to say if you give me full custody (no visitation) you don't have to pay child support, i think in this case that would help get this man out of her life (just guessing this type of man doesn't want to pay child support and feels if he has to he wants to be able to see the children) - jmho

[Details]

He's violent and abusive. There should be no question of him ever getting any form of custody - supervised visitation, and nothing more. The courts should make that an automatic response to prevent abusive spouses from using threats of more violence to try to get their victim to let them have custody and unsupervised time with those poor children. There's no excuse, no reason - if he did it to her, he might do it to them.

Giving him what he wants because he might otherwise get angry is exactly what started the whole cycle of violence, IMO - at some point in his life, he threatened someone, and it worked. So he did more, and it worked, violence worked - and that became a way to get what he wants.