My Daughter's Story of Abuse on Front PG of Chicago Tribune

[cherry6905]

My daughter's story of spousal rape and abuse is on the front page of the Chicago Tribune today!

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-regan_tuenov11,0,389866.story

[LisaM22]

she needs to be firm that it is over and stop thinking she will get sole custody as that will not happen, if that is her goal, she will just make this man more angry and make him feel justified in his actions, sadly he is the father of her children and the only way to end this connection would be to give him the children - cause as long as she has the children, she is tied to their father - she will have to try to get along and if he violates, she will just have to keep putting him behind bars, I pray this turns out ok, but this has already turned ugly and unless both of them are willing to meet half way and he is willing to let her move on with a new life this could end ugly - if he turns suicidal, there is nothing the courts can do to protect her :rose:

jmho

[juliekan]

I am so sorry...:rose:

And angry when I saw where he said there are two sides to the story...

The only side of the story that matters is that he tries to kill her...


JMO

[LisaM22]

I agree that this woman needs to stand strong. But I do not agree that it is her fault for making him angry. He has done that all on his own If he reacts a certain way when she does something he does not agree with that is his problem and he has no right to be taking it out on her. We all make our own choices and we have to live with it. Apparently this man has ignored tro's and there is no one at fault for that except him. Why is it that she should always have his arrested? From what I see of these cases the justice system sure does not do all they can to protect the victims. I would not want to be looking over my shoulder my whole life, that is not living to me. If he becomes suicidal that is fine as long as he doesn't try to take others with him. But before it gets to that point something needs to be done to protect this woman and her children.

jmoo

I agree with you, but that doesn't mean there are things she should not do to push her luck with a person like this, she can't get full custody, it just wont happen unless he abuses his children, so spending so much money trying to make that happen will not help matters any as it wont ever happen - just make her broker and him madder (she has already spent over 10k on her divorce) - the children have never been abused during all of this, so the courts do not consider him a threat to them, only her and there is where the issue is - until the children are 18, she wont be able to sever ties with him, he will pay child support and receive visitation, she will have to make the best of it - I hope it turns out ok, most times it does, sometimes not - but only time will tell sadly, the courts can't assume the worst - jmho

[ellvarn]

May God Bless your daughter, and help guide her through this. May the Lord hold the children in his hands for comfort. And may God give you strength Cherry.

:rose:

[LisaM22]

from the article sounds like he is gonna get about 6 years for sending the text msgs to her, hopefully he doesn't just stew in prison over that, hopefully he grows out of love with her and decides to move on - of course when he gets out, child support comes after him and that may start is all over again as he wont be able to sever the ties with her until the children are 18 either - I think there should be a way for her to say if you give me full custody (no visitation) you don't have to pay child support, i think in this case that would help get this man out of her life (just guessing this type of man doesn't want to pay child support and feels if he has to he wants to be able to see the children) - jmho

[Details]

He's violent and abusive. There should be no question of him ever getting any form of custody - supervised visitation, and nothing more. The courts should make that an automatic response to prevent abusive spouses from using threats of more violence to try to get their victim to let them have custody and unsupervised time with those poor children. There's no excuse, no reason - if he did it to her, he might do it to them.

Giving him what he wants because he might otherwise get angry is exactly what started the whole cycle of violence, IMO - at some point in his life, he threatened someone, and it worked. So he did more, and it worked, violence worked - and that became a way to get what he wants.

[LisaM22]

He's violent and abusive. There should be no question of him ever getting any form of custody - supervised visitation, and nothing more. The courts should make that an automatic response to prevent abusive spouses from using threats of more violence to try to get their victim to let them have custody and unsupervised time with those poor children. There's no excuse, no reason - if he did it to her, he might do it to them.

Giving him what he wants because he might otherwise get angry is exactly what started the whole cycle of violence, IMO - at some point in his life, he threatened someone, and it worked. So he did more, and it worked, violence worked - and that became a way to get what he wants.

I was not talking about giving him what he wants, I was talking about trying to fight giving him what the courts are gonna give him anyways - lawyers always make it sound like you will get full custody it seems, but the truth is if they havn't abused the children that isn't going to happen and will just cost you a ton of money with the same results as not fighting for full custody, the courts do not allow the women to say I don't want child support if he will just leave me and the children alone and give up his parental rights like what would be done in a adoption case, in a case like this, it might help to have that option as then she could just disappear in the sunset - jmho

[LisaM22]

The children may not have been abused by this man but the fact that he has abused their mother is abuse in of itself. When a parent is that abusive especially if the children see it is enough to do damage to the children and the abusive parent should not have rights. I have known of a few cases over the years that fathers thought if they had to pay support they were entitled to see the kids. But the laws are changing and any parent that abuses the other parent in any way should not have custody. I would be real leary of allowing my children to see their father if he was abusive. Sometimes when these abusers have no one to take their anger out on they will take it out on the children.
No woman who leaves this type of relationship should have to give up her and her childrens rights just so he does not blow up. He needs to take control of his anger and that does not include killing his family. It is high time that criminals were made to take responsibility for their own actions.

even marry winkler got her children and she was convicted of killing her childrens father - believe me, the courts do not see it that way - jmho

[Essence]

Cherry,
What a lovely daughter you have and you must be VERY proud of her for her willingness to share her story. No doubt it will touch many lives. How I wish there were a way to keep her and the children away from that man forever. Prayers for you, your daughter and the little ones.

[withay]

I don't know what the laws are in Illinois but I worked in social services in Georgia for over 20 years. I saw literally hundreds of women from all states seeking a new start. We had a large shelter for battered women in the area so we would be the landing place for lots of folks. Many of those women had court orders that either terminated paternal rights or blocked the father from visitation because of continued abuse. So it is being done in some places. Unfortunately, your daughter's story is not unusual. Your former SIL did not say anything I have not heard over and over. It is never their fault, they were always "made" to do it and nobody ever really understands. And I have been threatened myself many times because I would not give the father/husband information he demanded. It's frightening how quickly someone can go from charming to evil when you will not give them what they want. And it is a raceless, classless problem. I have been threatened by bank presidents and laborers.
Bless your daughter and her children. I hope they send him away for a long, long time and he loses interest in her and the children while he is gone.

[starling]

I really admire your daughter for sharing this video.
Oh how I know that look...you feel like a hunted animal!
I pray she will find her way & be herself again soon.
God bless and keep all of you close.
~S

[Lynntoast]

Her abusers side of the story.

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-regan-sidenov11,0,7811518.story

[starling]

Her abusers side of the story.

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-regan-sidenov11,0,7811518.story

Typical diatribe IMO.
Lets fast forward and start with just the parts that he touches on in the article:
He's tying to make no one believe her, like her,pity her,help or harbor her so she will (duh) turn to him. This guy is textbook.
I don't care if she became friends & wrote love letters to the entire cast of Atlanta Housewifes. He should of moved on/out/ and gone through the legal system if he didn't like it and wants to share in the lives of his children.
Don't put your hands on someone..don't violate a restraining order then whine 'your side'


JMO